I’d Give My Right Arm To Have Michael Jackson Back… Literally.

I, (Bonnie Lamrock, of MJ-Upbeat.com) would like to finally share some of my feelings concerning losing Michael. I’m not holding anything back so please forgive me if some of my feelings are different from yours.

It’s been just about a month since we lost Michael……..

I know I feel much like you all do…..numb sometimes, then all of a sudden, it hits me from out of the blue and I can’t stop crying. Especially at night.

Working on my web site is helping me so much. The fans are also a great source of comfort to me….thank you for writing.

I know that for some of you, this may sound crazy, but if I could give up my right arm, (litterally), to get Michael Jackson back in this world, then I would do it in a heartbeat. I can get by without a limb, but I don’t ‘want’ to get by without Michael. I would trade most anything to have him back.

He’s already taken my heart with him and I need my heart back. I ache for him more than anything I have ever experienced in my life. EVER!

Will the pain ever ease? I pray so, because life is so hum drum and sad right now. It’s so empty without him.

So empty.

I’ll never get the chance to meet him. That was the biggest dream of my life,,, to meet him. I came so close when I worked at his 45th Birthday party in LA 2003.

I also came very close to Michael when I saw him in New York at Webster Hall in 2002, I was given a ‘press pass’ by MJFC so I was at the bottom of the stage. I was right by his feet! He was SO gorgeous, despite what some people might say. Up close, he was one of the sexiest guys in the world, I kid you not. 🙂

I’m angry about Michael’s death as well. Of course we all would like to strike out at someone and blame them for this, but if the shoe fits, then there’s no denying something just was not right about the actions of people around Michael during that evening.

(These are just my feelings and I needed to share them)

I truly believe that Michael would still be here right now if it weren’t for that doctor who was with him that evening. I believe the doctor was there to monitor Michael under the Diprovan drug, but something went wrong. But what infuriates me even ‘more’ is what the doctor did while Michael was in cardiac arrest.

I’m not even a cardiologist but even ‘I’ know that you should NOT perform CPR on a soft surface. The idea that CPR was done on the bed by a licensed professional Cardiologist just blows my mind.

Truly blows my mind!

It can have a GREAT affect on the outcome of your patient if you do CPR on a ‘soft’ surface rather than a hard surface.

Do I believe that whatever happened to Michael concerning the drugs and the CPR was ‘murder’?

Well, my heart says yes, but my brain, (and the law) say no. I believe it’s called manslaughter.

 I don’t believe anyone intentionally set out to take Michael’s life, but I ‘do’ believe that there were some very enabling people around Michael and they may have believed everything would be ok…….but it didn’t turn out that way.

A life was shortened at the hands of someone else…someone who should have followed his ethics, rather than trying to please his/her patient by giving them drugs.

You have to ‘EARN’ the label of a doctor….you need to go to college for many years before you are given a degree. Doctors are issued ‘prescription’ pads…..because they have agreed to follow the rules of the law.

Michael is simply a ‘patient’ who depends on his doctor to do what’s best for him.

Whether you’re addicted to drugs or not doesn’t make you a bad person, is just means you have a problem. So many people face drug addictions each year,,,and of all people, Michael, who was in pain constantly, trusted his doctor to ease that pain and help him sleep.

His doctor let him down. Big time.

I feel the need for this person to be punished because they took so many hearts that day Michael passed, and ripped them out, setting us up for a lifetime of immeasurable pain.

As far as where Michael will be buried………Well, for one thing, I hope they bury him soon, (if they haven’t already. I wouldn’t blame the family for burying Michael secretly so the media won’t bother them..(for now at least)….because he needs his resting place….but I believe the family should take the time and be ‘sure’ that the place they choose is where Michael would have wanted.

I hear, (speculation), that Jermaine wants Michael to be buried at Neverland, but that Katherine felt that there were too many sad times there and Michael did not like Neverland in the end because of the LAPD violating his privacy and tearing his home apart. This makes perfect sense to me and I feel Katherine is right.

(Besides,,,she’s his mom, she loved him dearly…she knows what’s best for her son).

I hope he is buried in a peaceful and beautiful place, that’s all I want for him at this point. If it turns out to be Neverland, then I will embrace it…..because I have faith in the Jackson family to accommodate Michael’s wishes, even in death.

For now, I take each day as it comes concerning the loss of Michael……I love how the fans unite during difficult times and that’s exactly what we’re doing now. Let’s keep helping each other through this.

I hope Michael’s children realize just how much their daddy was loved. My heart DEEPLY goes out to them as well as the entire Jackson family. I cannot even ‘begin’ to imagine what pain they’re feeling.

Michael has made us so proud of who he is as a human being.

(Believe this or not), His music and dance are the ‘least’ of what I’ll miss about him……more importantly I’ll miss his gentle spirit, his smile, his shyness, his kindness and lastly, but not leastly, ‘then’ I’ll miss his talent.

Damn he was great though wasn’t he?!!!!

I miss you Michael Jackson!!!  🙁

Love Always,

Bonnie Lamrock

MJ-Upbeat.com – (since 2003)

Email: BonnieLamrock@aol.com