A New Year Without Michael Jackson? This Just Can’t Be…


(This is not an article meant for the media, it’s just a letter from one fan to another)

How will we ever make it without him? It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Why isn’t the pain easing? Can somebody please tell me?

Some days I feel ok, but other days it’s as if I just heard the news all over again and it cuts like a knife.

I’ve buried family member’s, close friends and people I’ve loved dearly, but why does Michael Jackson’s death have this hold on my heart like it does?  Why does he have this impact?

People committed suicide when Michael died and although we didn’t read about those fans who took their life, it ‘did’ indeed happen. The loss of Michael was profound. The world was stunned. I’m stunned.

I often ask myself; “What if God would let us have Michael back, should we take him back”?

This may sound like an easy question at first, but I also remember all the pain Michael went through as well.

My initial response is yes, I would want him back for his children and for his family & fans that love him so much. And of course I would want him back for my own reasons. I miss him!! I would want Michael back to finish his concert, which he seemed so excited about, but I think about all the other things that God rescued Michael from and then I’m not so sure.

I think about the peace that Michael is feeling right now. I think about how the media will undoubtedly begin ridiculing him again even while he’s gone, they truly have no mercy. I can’t imagine the pain he went through, but he ‘did’ express it to us sometimes in interviews of how he suffered. Now he’s not suffering anymore.

I want him back for my own selfish reasons, I want him back for me and for others, but perhaps for ‘him’, I would like him to rest. The ultimate sacrifice for me to admit as I cry while typing this, of course I want him back, but I want what’s best for him. I want him happy, peaceful and free from pain.

I want whatever God wants.

It’s a hard choice. Especially seeing how it was not ‘initially’ at Gods hands that Michael lost his life, it was at the hands of Conrad Murray who walks free to this day.

But I think if God wanted Michael here, then the breath of life would have been put back into him during CPR. ‘Something’ would have been done through God’s intention to save Michael during those last hours ‘despite’ the foul deeds of Conrad Murray, but God said it was time and so he took him.


“Oh Michael, if only we could have you back just for one more day to say good-bye. We never got to say good-bye to you. Just one hug, that’s all, and then we’ll let you go. But how do I say good-bye to you when I never even got to say ‘hello’? I hope you can see me now, and all your fans who love you…… see our anguish and our sorrow, how we miss you so. How special you were to us. Nobody will ever replace you Michael. You’ll be our Angel forever.”


Fans, what would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?

If you want to share your thought’s in an email, please feel free: BonnieLamrock@aol.com


As we bring in this new year I know I will cry, I never really ‘stopped’ crying. I know Michael asked us too smile, but I can’t, I’ve tried, but I just can’t. I’m feeling immense pain in losing Michael. He was so beautiful, so loving. His sweet laugh, his big brown eyes, (they were SO big weren’t they!) 🙂 His heart, those sexy gold pants! His kindness, gentleness, innocence, I’ll miss everything.

How can there be a year without Michael Jackson in it? 2010, No Michael? This just can’t be. :'(


I just don’t know how I’ll make it through………


Love Forever,

– Bonnie Lamrock


I Love You SO Much Michael.



The more I think about it, I think of how selfish it would seem to Prince, Paris & Blanket if they were to read about how I’m asking fans to write in with their decision as to whether their father should be here on this earth or not. I mean no harm and of course we all want Michael back. We only want to protect him from pain.

I think the most important question we might ask is:

I wonder what ‘Michael’ would want? 

I honestly think he would want to be here. I believe Michael would suffer at the hands of the cruel people of this world no matter how painful it was just to be back here to enjoy the love of his children, and even the love of his fans as well as others he cared for so dearly. I truly believe that in my heart. I think the love he received from his family, friends & fans made Michael’s heart full and although he suffered great pain, he also experienced love that was overflowing.

I think he would want to be back no matter what.

I think he wants to hug his children, I know they want to hug him too. If for only ‘that’ reason, yes, I think Michael would want to be back here in this world. He loved his children, so dearly.


– Bonnie Lamrock



This Video Is Beautiful And Really Describes How I feel About Michael’s Pain Being Finished Now That He’s Gone….

The Storm Is Over

Thank You For Sending Us This AMAZING Video Nancy

And Thank You For Creating This Video Miroslava






Fan Response by Keshia


January 7, 2010

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?

It really doesn’t matter what I would want from Michael if he was here on this Earth.

But what matters to me is if I were to hear Michael’s voice, he would tell me:

Be of good courage, my fans. Be that just like my beautiful mother wanted me and just like I wanted for my children to be. And know that I am more than the King of Music, the Knight of Hope, and Angel of Love. I am Michael Jackson, who is ‘Most Like God’ and I am the Man In The Mirror.









Fan Response by Karen


January 2, 2010

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?

This question is echoing in my head and as I write this, Michael’s song “Speechless” plays in
the background.  I feel as though I’ve been sleep-walking for 6 months and I’ll wake up and all will be right with the world again.
But sadly, reality sets in and I realize Michael has “gone home.”   I say sadly because selfishly, I would love to see his smiling face again, to see the pure joy he got from performing, but mostly to see the love in his eyes for the children, his and the many others he helped along the way.  Oh, how I would have loved to have known him!  But I would love even more for him to have the greatest gift of all, Eternal Life!

My heart just gets ripped out everytime I see the scavengers giving away or auctioning off all of his beloved possessions.  It reminds me of the Bible passage when Our Lord lay dying on the cross and the cruel soldiers rolled dice for His robe.  It cuts like a knife!
The way the media (especially the American media) hunted  Michael down mercilessly so he felt forced to leave his own country and live as an ex-patriot in foreign lands.  And the ultimate hurt for us fans in the U.S., his eventual return to the stage in the U.K., not the U.S.!
My head tells me that Michael’s passing was so unatural and unfair, but I have to stop myself and realize that my faith tells me that this is just our “temporary home.” We as his fans have to think of the”bigger picture.” God must have had some grand plans for Michael and “loved him more.”
My heart, however, will always be stuck in 2009, when we saw him last, so full of life and promise.  My family tells me”it’s over now”, but for me and his many fans it will never”be over.”

Would I take him back into this world if I could?

I have to say I couldn’t because it would go against what Our Lord wanted. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but I believe all things in this world are pre-ordained and Providence takes precedence over how we would like things to be and how things play out.  What I want for Michael is all the peace, love and harmony he fought so desperately for when he lived his”earthly life.”  But the most important thing for him is to have the eternal life that Our Lord promised all of us if we believe and are repentant for our sins. That’s why I hope all his fans around the world will join me no matter what religion, to pray daily for the repose of Michael’s soul.  Only then will we know we’ve done everything possible for him to hopefully send him on his way to Eternal Life. (Oh, how he would love that, our Peter Pan!)
I look forward to seeing you “over the rainbow” Michael- May you dance by the light of the Heavenly moon!

Sleep well, sweetheart


Love, Karen  12-31-09





Fan Response by Sheryl, (Sweetcakes)


January 1, 2010

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?

What I would want for Michael is an easy question to answer, but what I want for myself, is another question altogether. I want to have the chance to let him know just how important he was to me and my life. He made me feel alive, and made me realize through his own actions, that there is nothing in life that could not be handled. That was until his death. Since his death I do not feel alive. I feel hurt, lost and alone. I feel like I am in a nightmare that will not go away. Why is the question that I keep asking myself. Why did he have to go, after all he was a loving soul that the world needed and he gave so much of himself without one complaint. He is what God would be so proud of and served God well.

Now for the question of what Michael would want. Michael would have not wanted to leave us, but at the same time how much pain must one soul endure. Would we want to stay in a place where every day we are being bad mouth or exploited for our money?

Yes Michael wanted the opportunity to raise his children, but at the same time, he left knowing that his children would be well taken care of. It was not really Michael’s call whether to stay or go it was Gods call and he saw that Michael had served him well and he knew that Michael needed peace and freedom to be the child that he was never allowed to be.


– Sheryl (Sweetcakes)






Fan Response by MarieJosephine


December 31, 2009

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?

Who would have ever even thought this would be possible Michael was to be forever the one thing that would never leave us and be here longer then all of us so we knew we’d always have his voice and smile to keep us warm.

Last June I was getting ready for London I had a ticket and it was to be my 35th anniversary to which I became a fan at the age of 12 instead I got a sms from indonesia telling me my hero has died and believe me I got mad at first thinking it was a evil joke till I turned cnn on.

Since that day nothing has ever felt the same as before. I don’t think it ever will feel the same. people like Michael are rare and they seldom walk the earth and its even more seldom that you get to see and meet such angels on earth. He did so much good for the world and yet people only saw what they thought was bad,,, now after he’s dead they finally know the truth as we have always known.

Do I want him back in the world hell yes we all do, unless we would be crazy and surely his kids need him more then anything and anyone they should not have lost him on such young age and go though what they are going through now they will be followed and chased by cameras for the rest of their lives can you imagine they have to go through what their dad went though and nobody other then Michael’s family and friends and fans seem to care?

i would wish him back at anytime if only to protect his kids even if he would never show his face to us again or make one more song as long as he would be alive I cant see any reason for God to have done this other then maybe the thought that he had been trashed enough but even then I still dont think God has anything to do with this, it is the doctor send by evil to take away the most prescious thing the world has ever had.

It’s sad he has now more fans then ever and will never even live to enjoy it and we as fans will never be able to say goodby in person since there’s no grave site we can visit which for me makes it harder to heal as it does for millions of fans for now all we can do is try and look forward but I cant help wondering what there is to look forward too after all there will never again be something so special that bounds worlds and people together for decades and decades.

i love you Michael more then you will ever know.


marie josephine

The Netherlands





Fan Response by Annmarie


December 31, 2009

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?

I would take Michael back in the world for him to see how everyone love him
even his children & family.
I would love Michael to see how much everyone loved him in the world, how much everyone misses him.








Fan Response by Betty Byrnes


December 31, 2009

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?

Yes! I would take him back for his children, for the children of the world, for his fans, for me, for the life of music itself on this planet. Dear God, Yes! Yes! Yes! Please, just one more year, one more day, one more anything.

But for Michael… No! Absolutely Not!!! I believe Michael is finally at peace, no more pain, no more suffering. Now he has seen the face of the Lord. He no longer feels any loneliness. He now has found forever Bliss in the presence of the Lord. I can just see him dancing on the streets of gold, smiling that gorgeous smile with a glint in his eye as he glances over at the King of Kings, gliding along next to the Lord as they Moonwalk together. After all the Lord would be the only one in the universe who could do the Moonwalk equally as well as Michael. I can hear Michael’s unmistakable voice resonating with the heavenly choir as they serenade the God of L.O.V.E. who endowed him with his abundant heavenly gifts.


I believe the Lord said “Well done good and faithful servant. This Is It, Michael, This Is Really It. You have had enough. I love you too much to let you suffer anymore. Son, I want you with me now.” I believe the Lord may have saved Michael from an even deeper pain or hurt. Only God knows how deeply he suffered in his lifetime and what was coming down the road. All I truly know is that Michael can’t be hurt anymore and is smothered in the Creator’s love forever,finally receiving the full measure of his true Father’s love in return!


– Betty Byrnes





Fan Response by Silvia


December 31, 2009

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?

I am living in Germany and just read your article and it brought tears to my eyes because I can relate to what you wrote in every single line! A half year after Michael’s passing the pain does not ease and I miss and love him more every passing day. But we are not alone. I have signed up at the michaeljacksontributeportrait.com-site and met many wonderful people there and all of us share the same feelings and thoughts about the man.

I have already lost beloved persons but I never wanted them back. It’s crazy but at the first time after Michaels passing I always thought: “No, this cannot be the end. There must be a possibility to bring him back!” I almost could not imagine there’s no Reset-Button to bring him back to life. I never had such thoughts before! I wanted him getting back from the bottom of my heart. I yearned so much to wrap my arms around him and hold him tight – never felt like this before. It felt like someone had snatched him out of my arms and I had no possibility to say “Good bye”. Death swallowed him so abruptly! And I was left behind broken hearted. A friend of mine told me there is a beautiful said from St. John of the cross: “Just the broken hearts are the entire hearts” and Teresa from Calcutta said: “Real love hurts”. Yes, it does!

But our heavenly father called Michael to his lap. He needed to rest from all the suffering he went through. There were times when I got angry with the Lord because I had the feeling when Michael died something went terribly wrong. I asked the Lord: “You know everything what happens down here! Now Michael has gone! Where have you been? Were you asleep?” But our God is merciful and we can get angry with him, HE can deal with it. He is the greatest.

So, to sum it up: I would like to have Michael back for his family and for us, the fans who are madly in love with him. But I guess Michael would hate us if the Lord would grant us our wish because all the tabloid-drama and all the suffering would start anew. He is at peace now and he is safe with the Lord. No one can hurt him anymore.

I try to take comfort in the words Michael’s nephew Austin wrote in Mike’s memorial program: “I used to be afraid when the day comes and I pass on. But now I will live my life happily to the end knowing that when it’s my time I will wake up and see you again! You’re my hero, my teacher and my uncle Michael! See you soon, I love you, Austin.”


He spoke exactly the words I thought a few months ago, too. It maybe sounds weird but I feel the same. I’m looking forward to see Michael again. And sometimes I wish when my day comes not only Jesus will receive me, but also Michael! I hope this is no sin. But he’s the One I loved. I hope it is not a sin to look forward to meet someone there you loved so very much. But our good Lord is full of love for us and is merciful so I think he will understand!


– Silvia







Fan Response by Charlene


December 31, 2009

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?

Would I take Michael back? – I gave a resounding YES! …...but there’s an IF attached to it……..IF we could remember what it was like to lose him……if the world would be changed even more by having known him, lost him, and gotten him back……if the media would stop telling lies about him……if he would finally receive the honor that is due him…..if the haters would turn to lovers, believing in his goodness and his genius…..if he could find a healthier way to resolve his pain and sleeping issues, for himself as well as his children. All of these “IF’s” beg the question, would any of this even be possible? In a perfect world, maybe.

I do believe, for Michael, he is in the best place he could possibly be right now. He is being embraced by God’s perfect love and Heaven is rejoicing at the wonders of Michael’s life here on earth!

Our faith in a loving God and “a time for every purpose under Heaven” will sustain us and his family through this. Michael is with us now more than ever. As someone else said, he is now able to touch each of us individually and to know us personally as he was never able to do before. He is comforting and loving us all through this – his LOVE was large enough to reach around the world!

In his song, You Are Not Alone, the lyrics “I can hear your prayers, your burdens I will bear, but first I need your hand, then forever can begin” tells me that all we need to do is take his hand, walk with him, talk with him, BE with him, love him…..and he will be with us forever, hearing our prayers and bearing our burdens. He once said when he was young that he didn’t sing it if he didn’t mean it, and I believe this was true all his life! Because of that one statement, he has left us with a treasure of beautiful songs and words from his heart to ours. What a wonderful gift!! For him, music was an expression of his soul….even if he didn’t write the lyrics, he chose songs that were meaningful to him and he made them his own, putting his heart & soul into every note, ever word. We can believe that he meant it if he sang it!!


– Charlene







Fan Response by Unknown Sender


December 30, 2009

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?


My answer to that question was as much as I would love to have Michael back I wouldn’t as I know he is safe and out of harm of the media and he is not being called names or being accused of anything anymore .

I don’t think a day has gone passed when I haven’t cried for Michael but when I read that question I really thought about things the reason I cry for Michael cause I miss him and I wish he was alive and why did he have to die but thinking about it I’m being selfish Michael is happy where he is he’s left alone to do what he wants and I’m crying cause I want him back into this world where he was treated more like an animal than a human being.

All I ever wanted is for Michael to be at peace and to be happy and I truly think he is.

Thank You


added December 31, 2009

I have just read what you posted on the website about the question. And even now you have got me thinking as well. Yes we all have our opinions on what we want if we want Michael back or not but really it doesn’t really matter what we want and are opinions are not important. What’s important is what Michaels children want and any child would want their farther back as that is the power of unconditional love.

We may say we want him back but ask yourself this why do you want him back?

And my answer to that would be honestly for his children not for me to see him perform again not so he can carry on entertaining the world with his talent he has all ready gave his all to the entertainment world.  As much as we all know Michael love to sing to dance it also cause him so much pain people deceived him and the media try to break him. to come back for those children to give them love to see them grow and to be a father is much more important than coming back for the fans as much as we love Michael

but then ask yourself this question do we love Michael cause he is Michael Jackson the king of pop the entertainer or do we love him cause his Michael Jackson the human being just like we love our friends and our family?

now I thought long and hard about that question that I asked me self and I will be honest I/we as fans love Michael because of the music he made we love Michael as an entertainer not as human being like  you and me. Now his children loved Michael as father as a human being not as Michael Jackson the king of pop it is two different things its two different feelings to be loved for what you do and to be loved for who you are.  I read in a book I think I was moon walk that he use to wear masks and body suits so he didn’t look like Michael to just be a normal human being and he use to walk to streets at night just to find someone to be his friend to just see him as a human being and not the king of pop to be loved for who he is and not for what he does.

Now going back the first question.

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?

As now I have thought about that question and how selfish with my first answer I was not to thinking about his children. My honest answer now is it’s not my choice to make I have no say in that question. Yes that might sound harsh but yes I did love Michael Jackson as an entertainer the legendry king of pop but all Michael wanted was to be loved as a human being and there are only three loving people who did that and that was his children as much as I would want Michael back as an entertainer it is not my place to choose. All I want for Michael is to be happy and out of pain and harm if that’s alive again being a human being with his children and if I/we the fans not knowing Michael is back on earth being a human being for once in his life then let that be. If has happy where he is now in gods arms then let that be. As I said at the start I might sound like I don’t care cause I do I care for Michael and his children but at the end of the day I have my opinions but it is not my or any other persons place to choose all I want is for his children to be happy and for Michael to be happy if that back on earth or in heaven I’m happy as long as Michael is at peace and away from pain and is happy all that counts is what Michael and his children want it is selfish of us to even make or want to make that choice


– Unknown





Fan Response by Joy C


December 30, 2009

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?


I was just serving through the net a couple of minutes ago, and then I came across the read the article that you wrote yesterday, about MJ not being with us in 2010. I too still cry often, it’s really hard, I think we cry and we still mourn for MJ because he was beyond us, by this I mean, he was so good but he was wronged and diminished by so many individuals, that now, all we can really do is regret and see the wrong in what others did.

He died before his time; he died before we could say we were sorry, he died before we could see the beauty that was in him again, he died before he could see his children grow and be the second generation of event changers that could heal the world. He died before he could say I love you again to his mother (and maybe his dad), brothers, and sisters. He died because he was good, but so hurt by all.

God, like you said, had a plan for MJ, we had him, and we were blessed, now that we lost him, we are saddened. A great sadness that will always remain, because now there is a void in our lives, the place in our hearts and souls that was once for MJ is now broken, hurting, and spilling. Maybe, in time it will heal, but believe me when I say, it will never be the same. It will never be like it was for even if we remember, even if talk, we are now half filled – Once gone, forever is lost as what they say.

Never-the-less, we will, one day be heal. One day, we shall rejoice – one day.  All we could do now is say sorry (even if it’s too late). MJ hears.  Let us learn from our mistakes, let us take us the mantle that MJ has left behind and let us be as one.

For God is great, for he saw that his child was suffering, he bestowed mercy upon him, and to us, his mercy shall also come – One day.


Would I like him to be back with us if I had the chance? Or would I let him rest?


For anyone who is thinking about this question, what would be the first thought to come to your mind? Mine would “be hell yes!” but once you think about it, my answer would then be “no, I mustn’t, he is at peace”.


Did MJ get anything from the public aside from the love of his fans? My answer would be “no”. The media ridiculed him, and others in the public believed them, why? Because there were photographic and audio evidence that shows MJ doing and saying something innocently but to the eyes of others he was doing something horrid, mystic, and child-like –Something only a “wako” (sorry for the word) would do. They didn’t see, actually that was the point, his point, like what Christ was trying to show us, those who act like children will enter the kingdom of heaven. Some would criticize me right at this minute for liking MJ to Christ, if you do, you do not understand my point. My point simply is that MJ was like a child, he projected himself with the qualities of a child that Jesus Christ so lovingly showed us himself. What are these qualities you ask, simple “love, trust, and forgiveness”.


MJ showed us these qualities, what we should have done, were to look up to him and thank him for his love, his kindness, and his devotion. Sadly, we didn’t and now we are at saddening loss.


Would I like him back? Like any fan, who wouldn’t, but I think now, he is at peace, his has found his heaven, in the heaven of God, where everyone and anyone is loved, cherished, and devoted to one another and to God primarily. Where there is nothing to hate, to complain about, and to blaspheme or blame somebody for. He is at peace – he is at last at peace, I should praise God for his kindness and mercy. Would I want to break MJ’s peace now? Knowing, that even in the second time around, there, yes will be change, but will it be enough? Will it suffice? Will the media stop? Will we love? Will we forgive? Will we say thank you? I end with questions to probe your minds, think about it and tell me what you think.


– Joy C







Fan Response by Kabirah


December 30, 2009

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?

Oh how I do miss MJ so very much.  But I have not the words here to explain because I am (simply) speechless. There are no words to explain my utter grief and pain.

I agree that I would prefer to have him back for his children if for no other reason.  But he is now in God’s hands where there is no more pain.  That gives me comfort but for now it still does not ease my pain.

No one and I mean no one other than MJ fans understands how I feel.  My family is trying to be supportive and understanding but they are dumbfounded as to why I cannot put him to rest since I never knew him personally.  They cannot fathom how I can continue to listen to him or watch him or read about him EVERY day (and I do mean every day )  I cannot explain why his death has shattered and devastated me so deeply.

I agree that for me it feels as if he died yesterday.  Every fiber of my being does not want to accept that he is gone.  His brother Jackie stated that he is no longer afraid to die because he knows that Michael is on the other side (to paraphrase him.)  I completely feel the same way.  I think about the excitement of seeing Michael when my time finally comes (to my logical and rational brain, this thought seems utterly absurd to me since I did not know him personally.)  But what can I say – I feel what I feel.

I will close by saying (I could go on and on and on when it comes to Michael) that the best I can do for Michael is to pray for God’s protection for his children.  I love you Applehead from now until eternity.



– Kabirah







Fan Response by Jessica


December 30, 2009

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?


Jessica’s Poem HERE






Fan Response by K.J.A


December 30, 2009

What would you want for Michael? Would you take him back into this world if you could?

Yes I would like him back for everyone and I would get the chance to see him live at this is it. But I would rather have Michael in the hands of God not in the hands of the media. Michael is safe with God he is out of pain out of the Medias away when no one or anything can hurt his soul. Michael can be who he wants to be without being judged by anyone without being called wako jacko without being accused of things that he would never ever do. The only thing that breaks my heart is his children how he loved them and how they loved him. I would love him to come back for them not me not the rest of the fans just for his children.

New Year is a hard time for me I don’t celebrate New Year as I lost a family member on 1st Jan 2009 but it’s going to be even hard as now Michael is not with us anymore but I do believe he is happy. I’m a big believer in life after death and I do believe that Michael has or getting to know everyone of his fans in the light of god I have felt him around when I have his music on and dancing then I say “Michael are you here” and I just go all cold all over and the room goes cold as well. I have a hat like the one Michael has and I put it down and leave my room come back and then it’s moved then again I say “Michael is that you” and again the room goes cold and so do I. I’m a big believer in life after death I really am and I think Michael is spending time with each of us getting to know every one of his fan. He couldn’t do that when he was alive as they would look at Michael as Michael Jackson the king of pop like I would like any fan would instead of Michael Jackson the person and Michael can watch over us and get to know us with no pain no hurt.

So you ask the question would you take him back into this world if you could? As much as I would love to but I have to say no he’s in a place where no one returns where no one can hurt him no more and he can be at piece at last with all his idols Charlie Chaplin, Walt Disney and many more and one day I and the rest of his fans will be there with him.